Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
