i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
