I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
