I want to have your abortion
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
