hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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