Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I think my vagina is haunted
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
