the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
