I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My life is pants optional.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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