I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
