Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
