And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
