Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
