There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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