Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So drunk its hurt
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
