HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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