sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
