dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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