The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
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