I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
