Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
