I can tuck mytits in my pants
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm always down for nudity.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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