the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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