I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
