I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
