So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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