I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
