You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
