Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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