i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
