i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
