May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I love you. Go after that dick
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
