Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It's blow job season.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
