I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Semen is not good for contacts.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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