grandma shit on top of the toilet
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
