why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
