We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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