Swine flu. Run for my life!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
