I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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