She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Quick, to the slutcave!
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
