All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
