physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
