It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
