No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
