All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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