It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
