It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize