Can Purell be used as lube?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
