you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize