my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Less talking, more tequila
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
