why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
