I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
