dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
