Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
