Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
