party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
