ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
