I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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