Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
