we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize