does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
