I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
