Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He felt like a one man threesome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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