vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
