I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize