My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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