Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
