So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
