i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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