look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am one with the molecules
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
