Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize