from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize