There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he was CRYING into my vagina
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize