we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
