I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
