So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
