Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
