you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
