I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
