I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
