I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
